So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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