get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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