is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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