evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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