my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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