Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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