All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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