definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
