I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
