there was a trapeze. enough said
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
