Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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