Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
