ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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