Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
