listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
