Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
