I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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