this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
