What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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