I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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