i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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