I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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