I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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