U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
