just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
