I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
