i permit you to call me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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