I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
