And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
