I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
