Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dignity is for republicans.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
