everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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