I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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