yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
