Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
