We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
