Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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