i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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