My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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