My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
