I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
