Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
