u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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