Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
