Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
