I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
