I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
