how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
