I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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