i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
