She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
