Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sext me about skeletons
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
