just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
