well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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