I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
