I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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