Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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